


Difficult

by WroughtBetwixt



Series: JohnWard Prompts [34]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Killing, Mission Related, Pre-Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., Shock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-28
Updated: 2014-10-28
Packaged: 2018-02-22 23:52:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2526278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WroughtBetwixt/pseuds/WroughtBetwixt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When he sat on the bed and looked around him, he still felt dirty.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Difficult

The first mission was over. They were home. Safe.  
  
But it didn’t feel safe. Grant peeled bloody gear from his body, washed more blood away in the shower. He soaped, he scrubbed, he put on fresh clothes that smelled like pine and aftershave and home. But when he sat on the bed and looked around him, he still felt dirty. He could still see the guy who came at him, could still see his blood going everywhere, could still see his lifeless eyes. He knew he’d have to kill someone someday, but his stomach still twisted in knots; for a moment, he thought about throwing up, but then John was standing in the doorway.  
  
“You okay?” he asked, voice soft.  
  
Grant shook his head. He didn’t know what to say, how to reply. It all sounded so weak in his head. He stared at his hands, then finally managed to speak. “Does it get easier?”  
  
“For some people.” John approached the bed, sitting down next to Grant and putting his leather jacket around the younger man’s shoulders. “Want to know a secret?”  
  
Relaxing under the familiar weight, Grant closed his eyes and breathed in John’s scent. He said nothing, but he nodded.  
  
“It’s not supposed to be easy. Taking a life is supposed to be difficult.”  
  
“But... the job.”  
  
John leaned closer, curling an arm around Grant’s shoulders. “By all means, kid. Do what you have to do to sleep at night, and make it easier. But don’t think that you’re weak, just because it’s difficult. It’s only weakness if you know it’s what you have to do, and you chose not to do it.”  
  
“And what if I’m weak?” Grant asked, lifting his gaze to John.  
  
Meeting Grant’s eyes, John didn’t even blink. “You won’t be.”  
  
There was no room for argument.


End file.
